Chapter 1 - The Confused Dreamer

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Written on: January 8, 2020

@Watchtower of Mandaue (Marides Office)

My highscool years were filled with GOD, light, fun, laughter, joy and peace. I studied in the best school in Cebu - Philippine Christian Gospel School, where the students were sheltered and shielded with the prayers of our teachers. My childhood years and highschool years were just happy days.

My First Relationship

When I was studying in University, I felt somehow that I'm walking into some darkness because I could not feel the presence of GOD where I was in the places where I studied. I then began to have a relationship with a guy in my class. We didn't last 2 years because we were too young and I felt chocked once again in the relationship I was in. I couldn't sing in public, I couldn't be with friends, he was a bit possessive and jealous. So I had to let him go but I prayed for him before we parted ways.

The Dreamer in wrong Relationships

Growing up, I dreamt of being a famous singer, all I wanted was to be in a good band. My second relationship was with someone who was part of a band we were supposed to start but it never happened. We didn't last a year. All I wanted to sing and be the best singer in the world.

My third relationship lasted 3 months - it was the worst.

My fourth relationship didn't last 2 years either and I met him in a band I was trying to grow with.


The Confused Girl - Burning Strange fire before GOD's Altar

My next relationship I'm not proud of because it was with a girl and we had a sexual relationship that lasted about one year and we hid it from everyone. The worst part of it was I was sinning against GOD while I was serving the church in the Music Ministry. How I burned stranged fire before the Temple of GOD!!! Read the Story of Nabad and Abihu in Leviticus 10. But how merciful HE was because HE did not strike me dead because I was sinning while ministering before HIM!!! My relationship with her was troublesome because we always fought and she would harm herself because she was jealous of my other friends. I was miserable and I wanted to escape but I had to wait one year to be able to do so.

Nobody even knows we had such a horrific relationship because we really kept it to ourselves. But I never really considered it a legit relationship that's why when people ask me how many boyfriends I've had, I never count this one in because I believe it was just stupid, evil and non sense. I never knew how confused I actually was until I was in that scenario.


For a detailed explanation of their Mystery of the deaths of Nadab and Abihu please read this article: https://www.chabad.org/parshah/article_cdo/aid/4321414/jewish/The-Mysterious-Life-and-Death-of-Nadab-and-Abihu-Sons-of-Aaron.htm


And thus this is the reason why I was the Confused Dreamer. I was a dreamer, I had big dreams but I was confused with who I was and what I wanted to be. I never really knew who I was until I met - I AM THAT I AM who told me who I AM.


I betrayed many people including my family and all those who looked up to me in Church. Yes I am guilty and now you know why GOD has been so hard on me. I was disobedient but worst of all I was a traitor to HIM. My bretheren please forgive me.


And so as you read along the Chapters of my life, how I endured waiting for the right man GOD chose to come into my life, you understand why and how GOD wanted to punish me double for all my sins. At least HE was able to spare my life than be struck dead like Nadab and Abihu, son's of Aaron who burned strange fire before the HOLY GOD and KING.





I praise the LORD GOD Almighty who has been so merciful and gracious to me in the Era of the Church Age, where HIS grace abounds more when sin abounds. But that was the time of the Age of Grace, today is no longer the Age of Grace but the Age of Judgement and Millenial Wars. And I have been called to be judge because He has made me overcome all the evil that has befallen me.




My next two failed relationships were both with foreign men that you can read about in Chapter 4 - The Deceived Rebel.


Note To my Family (blood or spirutual) who may be reading this:

I am the worst of all sinners, Please Forgive me for this sin I committed not only against GOD but also against you...


Forgive me but I have to expose my own

sins before GOD should appoint me as Judge of others. For I AM a Sinner that GOD had made worthy to be a Saint and Judge in the last days.






Inside the Chambers of the KING, little Christine inquires of HER FATHER KING:


All Glory, Honor, Power and Praise be unto HIM alone!!!


Truthfully yours,




Marie Christine Yu, the Worst of all Sinners!


Finished Writing on 18:00

19th March 2020

@Watchtower of Mandaue

(Marides Office)


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